A Drop Of Elixir ..........

Just enough to last a lifetime or enough to last the lifetime an eternity ...That again is a matter of opinion

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Thinking Of You

Damn u, damn u to hell and back. For being strong. For being indifferent. For moving on. For living life. For taking a second chance and a third and a fourth till you find her, ur true love yet again.
When im stuck. Unresolved. Undecided. Vulnerable and hurt. Scared.

No. I don’t think of you. But thoughts creep in. when I least expect it. And when I push them away, dreams weave a story. Or is it nightmare. U, I suppose will never realize. It is just an obsession. That we are not together anymore. Maybe I would have gotten over you had we still been friends. But talking to you was suffocating. It was getting claustrophobic. I was feeling closed, caged. Frustrated.

Me thinks me moving on. I think less of you these days. It’s a conscious effort. A premeditated decision. Pushing back the thoughts, the words, the images when they surface. Brutally crushing down the pain. Mercilessly stopping the tears. Forgetting you. And the fact that you exist. So a stray tear run down unchecked.

You decided I needed to get acquainted with what is music. With what makes a song. Never did u ever realize…I cared not so much about the music as much for you. Seeing you so passionate, so animated. Your voice actually enthusiastic till I would start giggling with delight at such innocence. Your eyes twinkling like the million starts I would be gazing at and then when you would be annoyed that I wasn’t listening to you, that sparkle fading into a dull sober glint. Toned down. But still there.

You were always different. Special. Singular. And that drive…the palpable energy. The one that would sweep away with it into the world where everything was perfect. Perfect for you. And a hundred faceless beings clapping. Giving you a standing ovation. And my heart…bursting with pride. My face growing with that silly grin and my soundless voice…screaming, breathless, excited.

Stories about how you will conquer the world. You doing what you always wanted to do. Doing what maybe you were destined to do. Stories, dreams, thoughts, fantasies all woven in Technicolor glory. So that the dreams look larger than life. You look larger than life. Stories, dreams, thoughts, fantasies…you.

I miss you sometimes. And your stories. And your passion. Your crazy techniques of wooing a gurl. And philosophies to make people feel nice. And that selfishness which is in every cell of your body. Your f!@#%^& self centered nature. Childlike simplicity. Adult pains. A bundle of paradoxes. Your whine. Your ecstasy.

I will move on. Will just take a little more time. And look back and smile that you happened. And praying…that never do u happen again. Ever.

16 Comments:

  • At March 11, 2005 7:19 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    The day you get over that guy, is the day you'll really begin enjoying your life.

    -Priyananda, who doesn't have a clue about serious relationships and should probably just shut up.

     
  • At March 11, 2005 9:25 PM, Blogger El Diabl020 said…

    :)
    hey babe.. Ure doing great..
    It does hurt like crap, doesnt it?

     
  • At March 11, 2005 10:09 PM, Blogger la devil said…

    ship, u know wat i'm gona say rt.
    hope u lisn *hugs*

     
  • At March 11, 2005 11:43 PM, Blogger Geetanjali said…

    Awww...*Hugs* Seems like hell right now doesn't it? All I can say is that it will pass - the pain will go away and you soon be confortably numb abt this. And one day, it won't hurt anymore! Trust me on this one...

     
  • At March 11, 2005 11:43 PM, Blogger Geetanjali said…

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

     
  • At March 12, 2005 12:45 AM, Anonymous divya said…

    finally i'm able to comment here........
    well get over him......and then in due course of time u'll find someone special......
    hope u r over this phase soon enough babes.......hugs......
    divs

     
  • At March 12, 2005 3:55 AM, Anonymous Phal said…

    awww. listen, guys, they're not worth it. (doen't mean women are haan) very few guys out there who're great, and theyre mostly gay. Excaept Diablo maybe...

     
  • At March 12, 2005 5:26 AM, Blogger Prashant said…

    hey... dont worry about it... life is much more than hurting about our past.. we just gotta move on... and it will happen for u.. takecare

     
  • At March 12, 2005 7:11 AM, Blogger Elixir said…

    hmm yeah. :)

     
  • At March 14, 2005 1:33 PM, Blogger vipin said…

    i will never understand you ship ..i think never.
    Some time you act like a gal who is you know ..is confident,smart(?),funny...meaning thereby all the qualities that a boy is looking in a gal to date ..but then you show the shady side of your personality with alot of pain ..blogging in the viens.A normal person will always try to hug you ..or try to sympathize . But then again ..you are like the gal who dont wanna listen to him/her...at all.
    Mystified

    -deadlysmile01

     
  • At March 14, 2005 1:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    i will never understand you ship ..i think never.
    Some time you act like a gal who is you know ..is confident,smart(?),funny...meaning thereby all the qualities that a boy is looking in a gal to date ..but then you show the shady side of your personality with alot of pain ..blogging in the viens.A normal person will always try to hug you ..or try to sympathize . But then again ..you are like the gal who dont wanna listen to him/her...at all.


    Mystified

    -Vipin

     
  • At March 15, 2005 12:07 AM, Blogger The God Of Tall Things said…

    Welcome to the club, Vipin

     
  • At March 15, 2005 7:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    what kinda club?

    -Vipin

     
  • At March 15, 2005 7:50 AM, Blogger The God Of Tall Things said…

    The club of people whi dont understand Shipra

     
  • At March 04, 2007 4:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    best regards, nice info »

     
  • At March 15, 2007 3:12 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

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