Dead Blog...

My Blog is dead.... my lovely blog is sooo dead!!
And so is FB and my friendship and may be just maybe my relationship with my fiance.

Maybe i like it this way. I always knew i had a streak of masochism in me... self pity gives me a kick like no grass can- not like ive never smoked grass (one of the many things i dont think ill ever do - i somehow link it to somekinda cool quotient) anyway!

Why am i blogging again...? I have no idea.
How long will the posts continue... Absolutely no idea...
An even basic question... will this post be published... "dont know dont know dont know..."

That seems to be my funda in life these days... Clueless

You might think ive had a fight with my guy. No, all this venting is BECAUSE i didnt fight with him. And good thing too. He accused me of having a problem if he has good health.
Lack of sleep, talking late in the night makes him catch cold, run a fever, have blood shot eyes.
And all the above keeps me just dandy... (being sarcastic jus in case my writing has lost touch)

Am i mad at him?? OH NO!!! I WOULDNT DARE!!!! coz that will lead to a fight, him apologising for not being able to give me enough time... same ol story.... so im being miss-g00dy-two-shoes which suits him fine, he can catch up on sleep, work, his folks,friends, his space and his time *someday i should write bout him...*

I dont know why am i ranting like a love starved puppy... coz i arent.
I just miss me... my friends... what I had with mr. fantasticonceuponatime
I miss this space.... and i miss all those who would read, sympathise, empathise or jus comment for the heck of it...

Its been so long... so darned long.... so long since ive been myself...
And i ve changed - and its too late to contemplate if its for the better or worse...
knowing me its the later.

This pink and brown space has been my mecca. My space... mine MINE!!!!!

You know after working in a corporate, where short forms are not allowed (your version of words that i.e) after being with a guy whos just too superior for you to ever catch up, firends who over a period of time have drifted apart and a million other firefighting events... I think one gains a perspective in life. Which is just as twisted and bizzare as when you started off - not with the perspection (is that a word??!?!) but with realization that there are more sophisticated and classy sounding words which when uttered brings out a light of respect in the listening party.

Talking about the perspective ive gained... That no one gives a rats ass to what you think, decide or do...
No one absodamnlutely no one cares! Unconditional love and all that bullshit aside, once you are actually into the whole thing and you put ur 100% into the matter, they all are the same.

Thats why i trust strangers, inanimate blogs.. Coz they have no reason to care. So they dont pretend they do. They listen to you and then forget and you are cool with it coz u know they dont care two hoots.

Its the ones who say they care who are dangerous. Coz it matters to you that they do and in the end it turns out they dont! And BOY DOES IT HURT!

I can say all this is assuming i have no one left to read this space. Imagine my horror when people i know will... at this particular point, im beyond caring. Not like i ever did.

Im babbling shit and i know it and... I DONT CARE!! Like my guy who says he loves me like no other. Like friends who are there but are too distant to be approached like my folks who affection stifles at times...

I am left alone, with my blog and FB who is dismantled but not complaining.
And the arrangement suits me just fine. *smiles*

As you sow, so shall you weep!!

While i was writing the last post (ages ago) Id thought my blog would be more active, more alive and buzzing with my ever increasing knowledge and worldly know-how.
Alas, it wasnt meant to be.
Id thought my blog to be long dead.
Surprisingly, what they say isnt far from the truth. Actually... it aint surprising, Im just catching up a lil late on the fact or on the adage "As u sow, so shall you reap"

I sowed and i sowed and I sowed and i sooo sowed and how!! For the first 2 years of my blog's birth... it was more of me showing off my writing skills than anything else.
Then after a while, when it started becoming my personal space, it was more of an intrusion of my friends and family knowing i pour out my woes in this lil pink and brown space.
Then id stopped blogging and getting on with my life and the whole fiasco happened with my boss reading not so nice thing bout him.
How would you ask? It was me reaping what id sowed.*sheepish*
Anyways, nw after almost 2 years of my blogdom, im reaping and reaping and reaping some more.
*Elixir's Gyaan: saying REAPING again and againg makes it sound very weird*

So i have people scrapping me and messaging me saying they find my writing absodamnlutely amazing, which is nice and everything but the fact still remains that Im over that phase and I dont need need to be made to feel good bout my writing skills...

But! BUT!!! Iam not complaining *grins* you keep em coming, there is nothing like too much of a good thing
Sothen people!! Tell me i write amazing :D

PS: All nasty comparisons on my past writing and present writing will b deleted - by the order of the author.

Pains for MBA

Come one come all....
Read one, and assume read all....
Shipra's blog isnt her personal space, personal diary anymore *well it wasnt one to begin with* it has become or is gonna become the space for the latest TOI editorial reviews. *making faces*

All this is for the fabled and revered MBA preparations. Like the millions in the herd, yours truely *made changes after the first comment* has also decided to make her miserable life useful n givingin to the peer, parents, boyfriend pressure enrolling in one of the top MBA preparatory institutes. No the enrollment was her own decision, but this blog post is coz A thinks I should pay attention to the daily news.

If that wasnt bad enough, Im to write the review o some sodding peoples lives and other peoples opinions on the same.
Something like the eds this morning talk about a million things in one page- which wouldnt b different from the rest of the days but just that im reading the editorials after well after since forever!!
Theres talks bout the blog n the apparent plagiarism, the fact that the entire Asia should have one currency to fight against the rising dominance o the dollar, the pak threateneing the indo-us nuclear someshit.
Look now I dont mean to be very nonchalant or unbothered about the whole matter, but will take me more than a week to get into the mode to appreciate the whole logic o trashing the country in one article and then talking about the brotherhood feelings shared in the very adjecent write up.
Frankly, I just read 4 articles and woh bhi uppar se... but give me some credit, Im trying...
I supps i didnt mention I woke up at 5 in the morning today to go to the damned gym!!!!!!!
This is for A specifically - I love you, but keeping this up, dono how long this will last, not the pain for MBA preparations but my love for u :P

Miserable!!!!

Forever and always, these days.
Very very restless!!
Dont know wat i want, what im seeking... but im searching for something. Peace maybe. God, once upon a time id go sniffing for trouble just to pep up my mundane life.
Not like suddenly my life has become any less mundane but a lot o trouble lately.
It isnt even trouble, God alone knows what it is, coz i sure cant fathom.....

Thought of changing my blog url... why you ask? Because my boss happened to read the posts dedicated to him (were nasty posts) . No use scrolling down searching for the posts, deleted them as a mark of my apology to him.
Then decided to change my url. First thought was that I dont wanna do it. I dont think I will. There is a curious peace when I see the old pink and brown page. Very pink as the guy bloggers would comment *smiling fondly*

Id once sworn Id never change. But today was showing my palm to a colleague who -she says- can read em. And there is a drastic change in the lines i was born with and my present lines. Figues, i thought. Have always wantd to do something myself.

Trying to find my sense o humour, trying to find my zest for life. Feel like crying sometimes. A lot of things went into making me the way I am today. Maybe a lot more confident, a lot more successful *now that is debatable* but I hate to see at the cost of me. Who am I to blame anybody, I lapped appreciation when I got it, hungered for more...

Wish I wasnt such a fool. Work happened and love happened. N now I know that all my efforts in both is not going to be fruitful. Trying so hard to be the same old me, not happening. But i dont think im gonna give up!

I was fabulous once... I will be again. *I hope*

This blog aint dead!!

Ill be back*grins*

One year of blogdom

I thought, last year, this time.... that when i finish a year of my blog, my baby... id have a 100 comments, all applauding, congratulating, complimenting .... on one year of survival, one year of beautiful writing. *smiles* And here I am. One year old...

Frankly, after the initial euphoria of public appreciation had worn off, digression: i rembr being jealous of purva s blog getting more comments... ahh well it was just not possible was it? This space has meant so much more... and now, well it seems to be the case everytime i choose to sit down and add another page to elixir... and now this blog has really lived up to its name, albeit unconsciously given. A drop of elixir, a drop of me, every page, every post....

This isnt the speech or the post of the winner... as anyone who cares to read will realise my blog is surviving, just about... it isnt bout finishing a year of blogging with the only comments being advertisments.... this isnt bout anything else but plain me doing wat i do best, jabbering.... making a mountain outta a molehill. Something, over the time ive realised ive tuned into a fine art.

Ive missed you, ive missed this me and im missing all my blogmates, all my friends.
Yeah, thats wat prompted me to blog in the first place.
Just a simple realisation of people who have never deserted me, been a part of who i am at my lively highest or pathetic lowest....

There is this guy i kno. All i asked him was to give me acall. No big deal rite? Nope, no big deal. But id asked him to give me a call like 4 months ago, if not earlier..... And till date he hasnt called. He puts it to a faulty memory. I was shit pissed at him.
Half way through my rant i realised, there are soo darned many people whose calls i dont return, let alone call them in the first place.
And the person who really really deserves an accolade is Vipul. So much so that his sms goes sumthing like... " u think u can call me? im in accute financial crisis" And that is wat at the end of the day made me get up and call the idiot. This one is for you vips.
And for you purv, *aah this mite as well b a thanks giving blog* for incesstantly givin missed calls.
And for krish, for always calling at the wrong time...
And Ajay for taking my shit and discounting it.
And shounak, who never has time to call during the day and insists on calling at 3 in the nite *grins*
And Rohini, who almost never calls
And Suderman who makes sure im updated on the latest event of his life, whether i like it or not...
And for Vrushu, who has never and will never read this post. But who i kno will always be there, and the knowledge is enough to keep me assured.
And the special guy ive grown to know and love, for worrying your head off everytime i fail to call or message or mail. I love u Abir.
And Shubhra, my painfully lovely sister, who when not given enough time plops rite bside me and demands my time....

Boy this is growing to be one big mean post.... but wat do i do... i have sooo darned many great friends.... people id do anything for, people id even give my jewellery for, id say life but im too selfish to miss their company even for them *grins, and cries*

Oh and everyone o u lovely people who will leave a comment and well.... for u :D

And oh this world is beautiful again!!!!

How the fu*k is one supps to blog when he/she/it is cribbing...almost weak with hunger and the only thing that is keeping her alive is the french fries and juices she has.... huhhhh???
*grins*
I am....fasting! For Navraatri... first time ever!!!! N boy do I miss food!!!
I always knew i am a foodie, that i love to hog, and mayb, just mayb i was a sow my last birth coz thats all i do even this birth *wink*

Was shit depressed. Last few months... and why you ask? No reason, or mayb coz im in love.... *grins again, this time looking like a monkey wid a banana in her hand- ahem no pun* Im not sure bout the reason, but it was like everything looked gloomy, pessimistic to the core... dready and sad... aah the emotionally challenged even told me it aint fun talking to me anymore *dep sigh* now like it is a compliment to say i entertain someone, but... aah wat da heck!!

Whatever the reason.... people... MY DEAR SWEET BLOGGERS!!!!!!!!
I
AM
GLAD
TO
TELL
YOU ALL *increasing the length o my blog post - wink*
IM SOOO OUTTA IT!!!!!

i supps birthdays tend to have the effect on you... oh yeah people... it was my birthday last weekend...oct 2.
I accept and thank everyone who * U BETTER* leave birthday wishes and loadsa love in my comment box.
Errmmm also.. 21 gifts tend to umm make a person happy bout stuff?? *grinning again! Oh darn i jus mite have lost it finally*
Friends, relatives, a gorgeous sister :D
it isnt everyday that u complete 21 years of exciting existing * i see i havent lost my touch of alliteration*

I think ive had enough written for today, pardon my enthusiasm dearies.... for this world is a beautiful place yet again * grinning n not even caring if rocky (the dog) looking suspicious and on guard for so much teeth*

And haan...will write bout the navraatri fasting in da nxt post...

psst psst: Wish me belated birthday *final grin n signing off*