A Drop Of Elixir ..........

Just enough to last a lifetime or enough to last the lifetime an eternity ...That again is a matter of opinion

Thursday, September 15, 2005

And I blog again...

If i post this one now, it will be a feat accomplished.
Was blog surfing since yesterday, n boy is everything different or what?!

Some taking a break, some on with life as always...some (read erratica n soxy- romancing thru comments section)
I still am a lil shy.

I jus wanna cry!!! * ill chuck the formal stuff for someother time!!! THIS IS MY BLOG SPACE!!!!!!!!!!*
i wanna cry so bad that I just pour out - everything thats hurting, everything thats undone, everything that pains... forget - every person who breaks my trust, every one who is not there anymore, every memory that brings it all back...

I jus wanna start afresh! Is it too much to ask??? To go back to being innocently self centered, seeing things with rose tinted glasses, jus being full o myself that outside didnt affect my existance?? I suppose it is. Not mid life crisis, im too young for that! Or m i? Maybe i need a brain transplant?! Im thinking too much these days, getting to be too paranoid, too touchy, too everything!!!

It all begins from the beginning actually. When people dont know you. Everything is hunky dory...then slowly...when they get close to you, see more than the perfect facade of yours, see you react to situations...then it all starts, the surprise, the shock, the fact that the person is jus so different than what you thought him to be!! The person is jus human! I dont even know what shit im babbling...but what the heck, no freud is reading this anyways. I wish I understood myself, realised who I am and stuff...its getting too complicated. I dono wat is the real me? The laughing-attempts at pathetic jokes- goof or this..this crying, wimpy shrivelled up thing!

I miss me, the old me. But the new me is kinda exciting too. Jus as unpredictable, but like ayee says, negatively.... bless her soul. I wouldnt ever want a daughter like me, or a frd or a mate....

Guess m too screwd up rite now, its late in the night, need to sleep!

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Disconnected

There has been so many things going on... more like disconnected thoughts.
Im almost shy blogging again, jus like i was the first time *smiles*

Didnt have any inclination to write. I decided its too much pain anyways.And I dono...i jus didnt feel like it anymore. I didnt wanna write it down.I think beech mein i jus cudnt write, almost like lost the ability to pen a few words together.
There have been some maturity, some getting-to-know-myself situations, some eye-openers... but all so disconnected, different... i cant seem to write it down even.

I thought its the blog template. Lovely as it was, i dont think it was me. I dont think a lot of things these days is me. Changing- i always was anyways. Being different i always was, weird is the word lets call it eccentric to make it sound nicer.
Im restless these days, these days being some months now. I first thought it was work. Not getting time for stuff. But that aint true. Because I do have time and I dont utilise it well. Not like I was the epitome of productivity but now its plain worse. Musiq teacher calls every weekend asking why i dont go for the lessons anymore, friends call wanting to meet up, if not for a movie or something, jus a cuppa coffee and some chat, folks back home sulking coz i dont give time at home, and to add to all that, blog world beckoning. *smiles* its all very flattering. Theres nothing like being in demand to boost up your spirits. But I think it makes me feel worse.

Its kinda weird, writing again. I feel like a new comer again. Alien grounds. Maybe ill blog surf now, catch up on peoples life and woes. Because thats wat they all dont, dont they? At the end of the day, vent it all out. It was for me. An outlet. An expression.
Ally Mcbeal types. I kno i cant do it in reality, throw someone outta da window, i dont have da strength nor da heart to do it, but deriving satisfaction by playin it in my mind.
I was thinking today, small trivial things had such importance in my life once.. Is it me becoming more mature, too sophisticated now to pay attention to the little things that used to excite me once upon a time... or is it the fact that I now hve a new channel to direct it. I hope not.
Starting now, there is so much to say....so much to share, so much to pen down...

Rohini told me last week, "y stopped blogging shipra? It was one of the very few good things you do and do well" *smiles in nostalgia* I missed you, blog dearest. And missed the ego stroking comments too. Here rohini, this post is for you. For all the times we spent together. I really miss you and purv and blogging and blogger pals
And me.
And this is how I feel.
Disconnected...