Taking the Leap

Wasn’t easy. My decision to do it. Had always thought I should do it. Not coz I NEED to do it, yes I can make do without doing it. Have always been fascinated by the entire concept. Of course people would say, people who do it on a regular basis that it is no big deal. That it doesn’t matter. That it is routine now and the fascination is gone. That there was no fascination to begin with, but I was fascinated. It seemed amazing. The pain, the pleasure…the need, the ecstasy!!

Nani says we belong to a conservative culture. That we need not venture into such things. That it is needless complication. And it is not like it is glaring obvious that I am not doing it. Just when we look carefully we see it. Said it might have long-term repercussions. Said I can do it after I get married. Or the time im gonna get married. Says its okie then. Coz I will be more grownup. And can bear the pain. I told her I can bear the pain even now. That I NEED to bear pain. How will I have pleasure then…ofcourse I didn’t say it out loud, nani would have a heart ache. And that every gurl I know does it. My nani was still vehement about not letting me do it. Said there are other options, that doing it…was not necessary. Now you would ask why do I need to ask nani about it…I didn’t. It just sorta happened.

My mom was okie bout it. She had no issues. Whether I do it or not. She just askd me if I were ever doing it, that I need to be careful and that should go to someone who has more experience. They are more gentle for the first timers. What with all the pain and soreness…And she did admit if I were to ever do it sumtime now, then I mite have to do it again and again and again. And that there might be times when I don’t want to. That im bored and that im disgusted. And that there are gonna be times when it will be the test of my endurance coz it will hurt like hell, will be draining, physically…emotionally!! But im still gonna have to do it. Because there is no other way out. And that during winters it might pain more than usual. But I still m gonna have to do it. Because I chose to do it. And that there is no stopping.

My older friend said it kinda gets addictive later. Some people do it everyday. She does it everyday. And some people do it every alternate day. The best part about it is, she said, though it needs to be done during a specific time of the day/nite, it can be done anytime. That it has flexibility. And she said the adrenaline rush…is sumthing that has to be experienced more than to be talked about. Said its more fun when there are people around. And if we had to do it alone then music should accompany. She suggested I do da earlier. Since she knows im more the social kind.

All that made me a lil apprehensive. Mixed emotions. Of course I was brought up in a conservative family. Mere physical strain didn’t seem right. I had to be emotionally and mentally prepared too. To give myself to it. Seemed like a serious commitment to me. And I was not sure if I were upto it. I was too young for such working towards the building of such relationship. Such dedication. But I decided to do it. To see if I can make it. It was a challenge. And im glad I did it.

And now its been 3 months since im doing it. I feel more energetic, more supple more beautiful and confident about myself. And bonus…lost a bit of weight too…

Gymming sure is a lot of fun…and yes…it is addictive ;-)